Start by asking them
Before you draw anything, talk to each parent separately. Something like: “We want you both to have a great day and be close to us. Would you be comfortable at a table near your ex, or would you rather have your own table with your people?” Many parents are more relaxed than you expect; some will tell you things you need to know. Either way, nobody is surprised on the day.
If they get along
Seat them at the same family table, with a buffer of siblings or grandparents between them rather than side by side. If either has a new partner, include the partner — and make sure that partner has someone friendly beside them.
If things are tense
Give each parent their own table, equally close to you. Symmetry matters more than closeness: two tables either side of the sweetheart table, or both in the front row, sends the message that neither parent ranks higher. Let each parent “host” a table of their own family and friends, so each is surrounded by support.
Keep their sight lines easy too — not facing each other across a narrow gap. In the planner, add a keep-apart rule between them so a late reshuffle can’t accidentally put them together.
If one or both have remarried
Seat each parent with their spouse — separating a married couple to make a point never goes well. Step-parents who raised you can be honoured exactly like parents. If a step-parent is a source of tension, keep them at their spouse’s table rather than at the head table.
Head table or not?
Including divorced parents at a head table puts them side by side for hours under everyone’s gaze. A sweetheart table, with each parent hosting a nearby table, avoids that entirely. If you love the idea of a family table, it can work for amicable parents — just think about who sits next to whom.
At the ceremony
Traditionally the parent who raised you sits in the front row and the other in the second row. Today most couples seat both parents in the front row, with a grandparent or sibling between, or one parent in the front row on each side of the aisle. Walking down the aisle with both parents, or with one in the procession and one in a place of honour, is equally common.
Photos and speeches
Give your photographer a short list of “don’t pair these people” family shots, and do the separate family photos back to back. If both parents are speaking, put them in different parts of the programme. Small courtesies like these do more than any seating rule.
Plan it, then print itPaste your guest list, seat everyone on a to-scale floor plan, and print the sign and cards — free, no account.
Open the planner